The easiest roleplay on any sea

You are already a pirate. You just haven't said so yet.

Some roleplay needs a rulebook, a backstory and a spreadsheet. Pirate roleplay needs a hat and the letter R. It is the easiest character in the world to play, and the most fun, and we recommend it to absolutely everyone.
The five-minute guide

How to be a pirate, in four steps

Step 01

Get a hat

Any hat. A tricorn is ideal. A bandana works. A hat you made out of a newspaper in a pinch is, honestly, very pirate. The hat does most of the work.

Step 02

Add the R

Take any sentence and lean on the R. “Where is the bathroom” becomes “Where be the head, arr.” You are now fluent.

Step 03

Have one big feeling about the sea

Love it. Fear it. Owe it money. Any strong feeling about the ocean is a complete pirate backstory.

Step 04

Say yes to the crew

Someone calls “all hands!” You go. Someone starts a shanty. You join. That is the entire skill. Roleplay is just playing along, and pirates play along loudly.

Why pirates, of all things

The best character anyone has ever played.

Pirates are the most forgiving character in the history of pretending. A pirate can be brave or cowardly, grumpy or jolly, a captain or a cabin boy, and every version is correct. Forget your line? Say “arr.” Lost the plot? Pirates lose maps all the time. Fell off the ship? Pirates were always falling off ships. You cannot do it wrong.

And it is so much fun. You get to swagger. You get to call your friends scallywags to their faces. You get to stand at the front of a ship in the moonlight with the wind in your hair and announce that the sea calls to you, and fifty people will cheer.

The phrasebook

Everything you will need to say

Greeting

Ahoy

Hello. Use it on everyone, including people who are standing right next to you.

Agreement

Aye

Yes. “Aye aye” means yes, and also that you are going to do it.

Stop

Avast

Stop, hold on, wait a moment. Excellent for interrupting someone dramatically.

Insult, affectionate

Scallywag

A rascal. Only ever said with a grin, and only ever to a friend.

Insult, devastating

Landlubber

Someone who has never been to sea. The worst thing one pirate can call another, so save it for special occasions.

Surprise

Shiver me timbers

Something astonishing has happened. In a crew of fifty, this comes up about every four minutes.

Know thyself, matey

What manner of pirate be ye?

Six questions to find your place aboard. Every answer is a good answer, because every answer is a pirate. Nothing you pick is kept; a pirate's secrets go to the bottom of the sea.

Find your place aboard
Ready, matey?

Practice is Friday. Bring the R.